Being Full of Oneself

When we hear someone described as being full of him or herself, we envisage someone who consistently delivers and defends their own viewpoint above those of others.   We see that as an enduring character trait, rooted in their own self-image and confidence in themselves.

But I suddenly realized that being 'full of oneself' is something we all have to deal with.  In fact, it's so universal that it can be hard to recognize.

Whenever we spend the day examining, judging, desiring, rejecting, and commenting, we are full of our own sense of ourselves, our own view of the world.  We are looking at the world through a filter of our thoughts and judgments, but we don't really realize it.

The reason I found this phrase so useful, was that I imagined what it might be like to not be full of myself.  And I had this sense of all of my thoughts and desires and judgments, and everything I use to make sense of and manage life around me, just draining away, leaking out of my feet and dripping from my fingertips.  And I felt wonderfully peaceful.  What was left was an emptiness that was curious, interested in what actually was around me right then.  My body began to breathe more deeply, my eyes saw the sunlight and my ears heard the sounds in the room.  And for a few precious moments, I was fully present and felt just the pure joy of being alive.

Our egos, our sense of ourselves, are part of our arsenal of tools to keep us alive.  They are how we survive as humans.  But they are just that, tools, which can be put down.  And in that space pure consciousness is allowed to arise. 

In a more practical way, this is very useful in a work meeting.  When someone directly questions your opinion or work on a particular element, the first reaction is often to explain, defend, and point out why this is the best way.  Or for some of us, it is to cave, to agree, to give in.  But when the zinger comes in, there is a third option - to lower your defenses, to let the ego drain away and allow the zinger to pierce and then move on through you.  By simply observing the zinger without judgment or opinion, you don't take it personally. 

And then you can take their point and use it to start a new discussion.  Ask them to elaborate further - What does the person see as the main issue?  What might be better alternatives?  What would a better finished product look like?  This will allow discussion to arise, rather than argument, and the team will work better as a result, because no one person will be too full of themselves.