Telling the Truth at Work

I learned from a very wise boss that it's possible to say the truth at work, that it's possible to deliver even the most difficult messages well.  As a manager, he was able to tell people not just about poor performance; he would talk with people about the need for them to leave the organization, effectively losing their jobs.  And they would seem to accept this, without drama or threatening legal action.

I couldn't do this for the longest time.  In fact, I dreaded even first level performance conversations, because I was scared that they would come up with arguments from their side that would demolish mine.  So I would spend ages gathering information and rationales, sometimes so long that I never acted at all, never had the conversation, and never addressed the performance issue.

A book that made a major impact in my ability to address performance issues was "Difficult Conversations: How to Discuss What Matters Most".

People take different things from that book.  For me, the biggest insight that stayed with me was that there isn't just one truth - there are multiple perspectives, each of which is an aspect of the truth.  Together they make up the best overall approximation of the truth. 

So when addressing difficult topics, it's possible for me to deliver my side of the story then ask for theirs.  Then in looking at the whole story, the closest approximation of the truth, I can decide what to do.  In the light of the whole story, we might even agree on the action.

Separately, I've learned that it's not really possible to be truthful while being 'nice'.  You can't expect the delivery of bad feedback to be pleasant and comfortable.  But you can be kind. 

Do this by assuming the best of people, not the worst.  Assume that they are doing the best they can with what they have.  And maybe they don't have the skills for the job (in which case training may fix that), or maybe the skills they have are a bad fit for this job.  But assume that they are not deliberately lazy, malicious, or obstructive (unless they are, in which case, document it quickly and start termination processes). 

But even if they aren't deliberately lazy, malicious or obstructive, you still might have to let them go.  That was always the bit I didn't understand.  If someone was a good person who was trying to do the job, how could I let them go?  To let them go, I'd have to think of them as a bad person. 

But now I realize that even being a good person, even with all the help I could give them over time, even trying as hard as they could, sometimes people are not able to reach the performance that the job needs.  And that's when it's time to tell the truth.